I’ve decided to take on a new project to try to occupy my mind and my time (what little I have!) and do something for my baby, since so far we really haven’t done much of anything. (So much different than I thought things would be by the time I was 29 weeks pregnant.)
I want to pick up my knitting needles again and make a baby blanket. The problem is that I’m easily distracted and have a lot of trouble remembering where I am with the pattern, so it’s going to need to be easy enough that a couple of mistakes might not matter…
Now if I can just find the right pattern.
If I just get to make one blanket for this little baby, then I want it to be just right. At the very least, it will be something that we can line the coffin with.
I can’t decide if it sounds like I am a terrible, faithless person to be making burial plans, but since that is the most likely outcome, it makes no sense not to.
My husband told me the other night he ordered a simple little casket from someone from the church who makes them. I feel like it just makes sense to prepare for what we’re supposed to expect. Quite honestly, I’m not sure what we’ll do if the baby survives at this point. It seems like the variables involved make it impossible to adequately prepare our home or ourselves for whatever might happen in that case. It certainly won’t be like everyone else I know who goes to the hospital and brings baby home a day or two later to put in its crib.
So here we are: instead of like the other women I know who are pregnant and collecting diapers, toys, clothing, and cribs, we are collecting the few things our baby will likely ever need: a blanket, a set of clothes, a baptismal cross, and a coffin.