My husband has been spending the past few months preparing for his auditions for graduate school. We’ve discussed the possibility of moving away for him to further his education for a couple of years now, figuring it would happen sometime shortly after we got married, as long as he could get in and we could afford it. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it would mean to uproot and move to the Midwest next year. I obviously started thinking about it before we were married, but then when we found out we were having a baby, I started thinking and planning ahead for potentially moving with a four-month-old.
Then things started getting confusing.
Even if he does get accepted and gets the requisite assistantship/scholarships we need to afford his graduate studies, I have trouble imagining what it will be like to move. I don’t know if we’ll have a baby anymore. I don’t know if our baby will be sick, or at least very needy. The good thing is that both cities he’s visited and auditioned at have great medical facilities. The last university he auditioned at had a Children’s Hospital nearby. The school he is auditioning at tomorrow has medical facilities on par with the university we have been working with here. I am not worried about our baby having adequate care and doctors if we do move.
I just don’t know what the future might actually look like. I have imagined it so often, it’s hard to imagine it differently.
Of course, he might not get in, or he might not get the funds we need so that we can afford the move and afford his education. In that case, we stay where we are at least another year. I fear for him for that, though, because I know he hasn’t been thriving here. We have plenty of friends, we’re close to my family and across the state from his, we love the church here. He hasn’t been able to break into the very closed, suspicious music scene here because he’s an outsider with plenty of connections but not the “right” ones. He hasn’t been able to find any stable, full-time work that he craves to know he is supporting us. He and I both long for me to stop working my job at the public defenders’ office; I need a healthier work environment, but right now that job is literally paying the bills.
Going somewhere else seems like the obvious alternative, but uprooting and doing something new sounds absolutely terrifying for me at this moment. I realise now how adventurous I was just a few years ago in college compared to my apprehension now. I need to be able to take a couple of deep breaths and do what I said I would: follow my husband wherever he goes, like Sarah trusted and followed Abraham. I think following my husband to graduate school might be a little bit easier than that.
I am a little nervous in the meantime. I hate him being away for so long like he is this week. When he returns, we need to figure out his insurance (yes, he is one of those people who got screwed over by the new healthcare system and somehow still doesn’t have insurance though we’ve paid for it), need to acquire the rest of our tax information to do taxes before baby arrives, and then we need to have a baby. After that, we will learn whether or not he made it into either of the schools he applied to. And Lent begins in there somewhere. The next two months are emotionally jam-packed already. I guess that’s fitting for Lent, which will be here all too soon…
I am also saying a quick intercession to St. Menas to help K find his luggage. It never arrived at his airport yesterday and the airlines can’t seem to find it yet. He doesn’t have his clothes for his audition tomorrow (or any of his clothes aside what he wore on the plane, for that matter), so he had to go to the store tonight to buy something acceptable. His dress shoes are lost, though, and we couldn’t afford to replace those so quickly, so hopefully no one will notice! I mostly am worried about him since he is so slender and easily cold and currently without some of his cold weather gear (it’s in the negatives there, like it’s plummeted to over here, and he’ll be walking and taking the bus tomorrow morning). Even if the airline finds his baggage, it will be too late to send it to him and rectify the bad situation he’s been in (thankfully, he is staying with someone there and he has a pretty good attitude about the ordeal), but if it can be found, it will mean we can avoid shelling out money we don’t have right now (with him not working much, and me about to take LWOP at one job, we really don’t have much money to spare for anything) to replace the things in the bag that he really does need in real life and not just in auditions. Such is travelling!
We are especially thankful, though, that he has everything he really needs with him–everything that couldn’t possibly be replaced.
UPDATE: The luggage was found! I was awake at 5:15AM (like I am most mornings because of my bladder… sigh) and said a quick intercession that St. Menas would find the luggage… a few minutes later, at a slightly more reasonable time where my husband was, he received a call from the airline that said his luggage had never been transferred to them saying that they’d found his bag and they were sending it his way. A little late for his audition, but at least he won’t have to spend the weekend in the same pair of clothes he’s been wearing the past few days!