I finally have a few more photos to share of my baby. I struggled a lot with trying to decide whether or not I should share pictures, and had he survived I think I wouldn’t. I think it would be unfair to a child growing up to have pictures of his infancy and childhood plastered all over the Internet without his consent–and some parents post such embarrassing pictures of their children, I can only imagine how they will affect the children’s later lives.
However, my child doesn’t have a later life for me to worry about, and I would like to think he wouldn’t mind that I am sharing a few of his pictures.
I also realised that it was helpful for me to see pictures of other women’s babies at birth and after death so that I could prepare myself for what my baby might look like after a pregnancy without amniotic fluid, and what sort of changes would occur after death. The changes death caused were what I feared the most, and the truth was, it wasn’t so bad. He was a little purplish after a couple of days, and I noted in the pictures taken by the NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) photographer, part of his face was a little darker and almost “bruised” looking. I had noticed that in another woman’s pictures of her baby as well, so I wasn’t as surprised. I think some of the pictures actually make him look worse than I thought he did, or maybe I really just didn’t mind at all. What I feared most–seeing his dead little body–did not affect me as deeply as I feared it would, and I think it is thanks to seeing others’ pictures.
So I will share a few of ours.