A few pictures

I finally have a few more photos to share of my baby.  I struggled a lot with trying to decide whether or not I should share pictures, and had he survived I think I wouldn’t.  I think it would be unfair to a child growing up to have pictures of his infancy and childhood plastered all over the Internet without his consent–and some parents post such embarrassing pictures of their children, I can only imagine how they will affect the children’s later lives.

However, my child doesn’t have a later life for me to worry about, and I would like to think he wouldn’t mind that I am sharing a few of his pictures.

I also realised that it was helpful for me to see pictures of other women’s babies at birth and after death so that I could prepare myself for what my baby might look like after a pregnancy without amniotic fluid, and what sort of changes would occur after death.  The changes death caused were what I feared the most, and the truth was, it wasn’t so bad.  He was a little purplish after a couple of days, and I noted in the pictures taken by the NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) photographer, part of his face was a little darker and almost “bruised” looking.  I had noticed that in another woman’s pictures of her baby as well, so I wasn’t as surprised.  I think some of the pictures actually make him look worse than I thought he did, or maybe I really just didn’t mind at all.  What I feared most–seeing his dead little body–did not affect me as deeply as I feared it would, and I think it is thanks to seeing others’ pictures.

So I will share a few of ours.

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In the NICU when we were finally reunited a few hours after Seraphim was born and a couple of hours before he died.

 

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He briefly opened his eyes about a half hour or so before he died. He was very responsive to holding our fingers from the very beginning and I think it was comfort for both him and for us.
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In my hospital shortly after Seraphim died. He grew much paler as he died, but he maintained a very peaceful expression and looks more like he is just sleeping.

 

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Seraphim’s feet that were bent the wrong way. The doctors were able to untangle his feet after he was born, but it would’ve taken some braces to correct the other problems from there being no room for him to stretch out in my womb for so long.

 

 

 

 

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Seraphim’s beautiful red hair.

 

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One of the photos taken by the photographer from NILMDTS. Seraphim’s face looks slightly “bruised” and his lips are dark. He is still a beautiful, precious little one, and I didn’t think he looked nearly as bad as I feared he would in the days after he died.

 

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