Little Things

There are two weddings, kind of, coming up this month.

One is not actually a wedding.  It’s a reception that’s occurring 10 months after they eloped.  It’s my cousin, and apparently she’s heavily pregnant again.  Hopefully this time at least she knows who the father is…

It’s things like that that irritate me the most right now.  That she can have babies just fine and be successful and some semblance of happy.  I know I’m not supposed to covet others’ happiness, and worst of all, wish them to not be happy.  I have to admit it’s hard sometimes.

I’m still trying to figure out how to not go to it.  It’s been so long, it’s really just a ruse to get gifts.  When I opened the invitation, the first thing that fell out was a GIVE US PRESENTS AND WE WANT THEM FROM HERE card.  AKA a gift registry card.  It’s one of my pet peeves: including gift registries in the invitation.  All it says to me is, “This wedding is not about getting married and is not about us wanting you to support our lives together.  This is all about us getting money and gifts so hurry up and pile them on.”  It’s rude, and that’s why.  Gifts should be given because the attendant WANTS to give them; not because they feel coerced.

I’m fine with gift registries as long as they aren’t shamelessly advertised.  We put ours, reluctantly, on our wedding website, at the bottom of the page (I figured I didn’t care if people didn’t buy anything–it was like a “wish list” for us).  When people asked, I would tell them.  I never wanted anyone to feel like a gift was a prerequisite to attending our wedding.  All we wanted was the love and support of our friends and family.  The gifts were great and we use them every day, but that’s not what it was about.

On principle, I don’t give gifts to people who try to guilt me into giving them gifts.  I want to give them because I love the people.  So since this whole thing seems to be about getting stuff, I don’t want to go at all.

Besides, since she’s about to pop, and I don’t have interest in being around pregnant women right now, I really don’t want to go.

I probably sound wretched and selfish, but I just don’t have the strength for some of these things.  I battle every day at work and I’m just plain exhausted.  I don’t want to take on anything more than I already have on my plate.

The other wedding I’m excited for, though.  I’m a little nervous there will be babies there, but I just have to prepare myself.  The irritating thing is that, as if she knew, my awful supervisor scheduled me to work that day.  It is a strict rule we work every other weekend.  I’m on the schedule to work three weekends in a row.

I’ll get this worked out, but the little things seem like too much because the big things are already too much.


2 thoughts on “Little Things

  1. All of this sounds so awful; I’m so sorry! You totally have the right to stay home from that elopement reception thing and not feel awful at all. I hope you can work it out with your supervisor and are able to go to the second wedding! Just stick with “these are the rules and I just want to follow the rules and be able to go to this wedding.” Not sure how she’ll argue against rules she’s supposed to be following if she doesn’t want to get in trouble.

  2. ” I know I’m not supposed to covet others’ happiness, and worst of all, wish them to not be happy. I have to admit it’s hard sometimes.” YES! Thank you for voicing this. it is hard sometimes. and it’s hard all the time too. a constant struggle just to feel not so alone in your sadness. may the second wedding bring you joy and if you choose not to go to your cousin’s (which I think is a so very reasonable event to skip), i hope everyone supports you in that

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