The Breaking Point

My schedule, the heat, and lack of Internet makes doing anything on the Internet difficult.  I have a whole list of things to do, but I don’t get home until 6, then I have to walk to the library in the town we live to use the Internet until it closes at 7.  Most days this doesn’t work because I get home, make dinner, and then it’s 9.

So I am absent from blogging not because I have nothing to say but because I have no way to say anything.

About three weeks ago, I was at my wit’s end at work.  I came home from work every day angry and crying.  I took out most of my frustration on my husband, who could not help me, no matter how hard he tried.

I applied for a lot of jobs, interviewed for one.  The job was located just down the street, at a company I had once worked for and loved.  I desperately wanted to work there again.  The job involved driving a truck around about half of the day–only really on the property, they reassured me.  They must have seen how my face fell when they mentioned driving.  I didn’t say I wasn’t capable of driving, but they also didn’t call me back.  I have a driver’s license.  I have a pretty good driving record (just an infraction 4 1/2 years ago).  I just can’t drive right now, and I don’t know when I will be able to again.  If I could’ve gotten this job straight out of college, it would’ve been a dream come true.  Right now?  I couldn’t do it.

The problem with not having Internet and working all day (and the extended bus commute home because the route changed) is that I don’t have time to look for and apply for jobs.  I want something in the town we live in, but there’s little to choose from.  The school district is always hiring, and I want to work there (it’s across the street), but they won’t even give me an interview.  I am sick of applying and sick of searching.  I want someone to just give me a new job.

My husband helped me a little and said we’d get up early and he’d take me to a coffee shop on my way to work to get Internet to job search.  We did that once, but not much came from that except me being a little calmer.  Which I suppose was what we both needed.

So three weeks ago, I was at my breaking point.  I thought I’d been there before, but this really was the last straw.  Nothing particularly new had happened, I just couldn’t handle the new status quo one more day.  My husband told me I needed to just quit and we’d figure out how to make ends meet in the meantime.  And then I could spend my afternoons searching for jobs and interviewing.

So I was going to get through the next day, and then prepare a resignation letter over the weekend, prefacing it with an offer to stay on if they could find somewhere to transfer me instead.

I never needed to do it.

When I went into work, the managing librarian called me into his office right away because he needed to talk to me.  My heart sunk into my stomach.  Anyone can tell I’m unhappy there right now, but I was afraid I was going to be disciplined for it now.  

When I sat down, he could probably see I looked ill at ease, so he said, “Don’t worry; it’s good!”

He proceeded to tell me that the accounting department was swamped this summer and the small department was losing people to vacations almost continuously.  They needed help but didn’t know what to do.  Then the lady from HR remembered from our conversations when I was filing my complaint that I have a background in finance.

He said I could start immediately, or I could start the following Monday if I preferred.  Or I could say no altogether.

I opted to start immediately.

The pay is just $1.60 more per hour, but I’m working a little extra, so it amounts to $50 more each week.  It isn’t much, but it’s a change.  It’s what I needed.  My temporary position is supposed to last through August, then they said they would re-evaluate things and either keep me on or send me back to being a page.  My supervisor will still be on leave by then, so I’ll have a little time to figure things out before she returns.

My plan is, if they don’t keep me in accounting come September, I will just quit the day before my old supervisor returns and work on finding a job elsewhere.

So far, it’s a good change.  It’s a lot to learn and a little bit stressful because I don’t get a lot of training because they can’t afford to (I’m filling in for missing folks after all).  But it will give me experience I need for future endeavours.  I’m not naive enough to think this department will be without problems or drama, but it’s different.  I desperately miss my co-workers at the front desk (and I’m starting to miss seeing our book collection all the time), but at least I still see them a lot more than I would if I left altogether.

When I got the offer for the temporary promotion, I was immediately reminded that God will not give me more than I can bear.  There have been hundreds of times this year that I thought I was at my breaking point but made it through, with God’s strength I’m sure.  I thought I was dying from the suffering and hurt, but I didn’t die.  Every time I thought I’d reached the end, I learned I could take more.  This time, God gave me a way out right when I needed it.

Glory to God for all things.

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One thought on “The Breaking Point

  1. I am so relieved to see you’re blogging again- it sounds like such a challenge just to get your words out into the internet! It makes each of your posts all the most valuable. You had me riveted in this post- the downs then ups. I”m so happy that you got the temporary (maybe longer) reprieve. I know this job shift doesnt make everything magically better, but I’m glad something finally went your way. I can breathe a little easier now- but I”m still thinking of you (and seraphim of course)

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