Today I was standing at the bus stop while a very young mother held a shrieking 1-year-old infant. She bounced him while making silly faces and baby noises at him, and after about 15 seconds of trying to make him laugh with no success, she screamed, “JUST STOP IT,” at him. (Needless to say, it didn’t work very well…)
I smirked a little bit because this is how I feel a lot. I’m sad or angry, and others around me try to distract me with artificial happiness, and when I refuse, they just scream in my face. (This actually almost literally happened on Friday, my son’s namesday, of all days. I have been slow in getting my strength back after that.)
“Just be happy,” is a lot harder than it sounds. That’s my not-so-profound thought of the day, but it expresses a lot of what I’ve been dealing with.
As a side note, I’m sick of reading grief and bereavement books, and I’ve read only about 5. The current one I’m on makes me angry because I feel like I already know these things–it’s everyone who needs to know these things.