This isn’t what I expected…

This past year has been full of disappointments, and as far as it looks, it isn’t getting any better.

What I want most right now is to move away, have a new job, meet new people, and play music again–all of the things I can’t do here.

I want to cover up all of the hurt and disappointment that life has brought me thus far.  I want to choose my own adventure and pick the ending, too.

I feel like the death of my child would have been easier if work didn’t feel increasingly like a death sentence, if my friends hadn’t completely abandoned me, if I still had a creative outlet like I used to.  If I weren’t faced daily with the fact that life is not at all how I wanted it to be right now, and I don’t like it.

My purpose in life is to work myself to death and spend my not-at-work hours alone doing absolutely nothing.

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