I made what turned into a hard decision, strangely.
I applied for a job I really wanted, and got it. So when I went to resign, at one of my jobs, my employer offered me full-time hours at a higher rate than what the new job was offering me (I have worked half-time for four years). It is comfortable to stay, so I let the new job know. They countered with a higher rate, which really surprised me.
Every time I thought I picked which one was the “right” decision, I second-guessed myself. My husband and I have gone back and forth on it for a week now. I have driven myself half mad over it. I’ve turned this into the biggest decision of my life, upon which all other things rest.
Neither option was the “obvious” choice. Both had pros and cons.
I ultimately chose the new job, deciding I need something new, I need to be somewhere I can use my talents and skills as well as learn something new. Where I am now, I will not be challenged to grow and learn.
I have developed a deep fear of failing, and I know that if I stay where I am, I won’t likely fail. I know my job too well. This new job is, well, new. I could fail. Maybe I’m not actually worth the money they’re offering me. Maybe instead of 40 years, I will only be able to give them a year or two of my life. I don’t know anything about the future.
I feel a deep guilt over leaving my current job–especially since they said they could double my hours since they want to keep me. And instead I’m going to do something new and unknown instead.
It’s stupid that I’ve spent all afternoon crying about the decision I made. I didn’t want to see a good opportunity go and regret it forever, like I have about some things.
I hope that a month from now I am glad I made the decision I made. I have been asking God for guidance and help, and this is what He kept shoving me towards. So all I can do is leave it up to Him to help me find peace about this decision–especially since starting a new career feels like putting motherhood on hold for a while. And I neither want to do that, nor do I feel like I can afford to, with my track record.